if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
