and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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