I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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