Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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