his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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