I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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