You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
