You can't motorboat a personality
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
