i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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