Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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