I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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