I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
