Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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