I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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