Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Randomize
