how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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