Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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