We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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