he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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