I wanna passion pit in your ass
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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