Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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