I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
