you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
