Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
