did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
