I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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