I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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