your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
