I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
