Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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