woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
