That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She bit a glass in half.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
