So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
