Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
