If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
