her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
