if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
