Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need to calm my uterus...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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