Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
