all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize