'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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