I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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