I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
