I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
