i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
