We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
