He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
