This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
