i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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