help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We need to rekindle our bromance
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
