His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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