ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
