Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
