i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
