yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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