So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize