I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
