so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
