I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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