I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
