So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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