I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
