I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
