Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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