Please, let me fuck your mom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
