I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
