Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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