i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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