I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
