Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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