you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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