Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I party with great urgency now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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