I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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