yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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