..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
