How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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