I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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