Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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