I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
