hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
